After you have investigated your statement with the four questions, you’re ready to turn around the concept you’re questioning.

Each turnaround is an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you originally believed.

A statement can be turned around to the opposite, to the other, and to the self (and sometimes to “my thinking,” when that feels appropriate). Find a minimum of three genuine, specific examples of how each turnaround is true in your life, and then allow yourself the time and presence to feel them deeply.

For example, ”Paul doesn’t understand me” turns around to ”Paul does understand me.” Be still and witness as your mind reveals to you examples of how this turnaround is true. Those examples might look like:

1. He understands that when I’m angry I always get over it.
   
   
2. He understood me last week when he laughed at the joke I was telling him.
   
   
3. He understood me yesterday when I told him I really needed to get away with friends. He even stayed home with the kids.

Another turnaround is “I don’t understand me.” Again, find at least three genuine, specific examples of times that you have not understood yourself.

A third turnaround is ”I don’t understand Paul.” Relax, close your eyes, and with an open mind witness as the images and feelings within you begin to show you, example by example, of where you have not understood Paul. Be very gentle and thorough.

As I began living my turnarounds, I noticed that I was everything I called you. You were merely my projection. Now, instead of trying to change the world around me (this didn't work, but only for 43 years), I can put the thoughts on paper, investigate them, turn them around, and find that I am the very thing I thought you were. In the moment I see you as selfish, I am selfish (deciding how you should be). In the moment I see you as unkind, I am unkind. If I believe you should stop waging war, I am waging war on you in my mind.
— Byron Katie

The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.

Embracing Reality

After you have turned around the judgments in your answers to numbers 1 through 5 on the Worksheet (and found at least three examples for each turnaround), turn number 6 around using "I am willing..." and "I look forward to..."

For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?

Number 6 is about fully embracing all of life without fear, and always being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, download another Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and investigate the thoughts you haven’t looked deeply enough into. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to identify the stressful thoughts and do The Work.

Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean that you have to invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him, are you feeling stress or peace?

In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say that I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).

Ask the Four Questions

Do The Work